


and then they never had dinner again

by SleepyFubuki



Series: In This House We Believe In Dageism [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Happy married life, M/M, but don't get me wrong this is still nonsensical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24543562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyFubuki/pseuds/SleepyFubuki
Summary: Three children for the price of one, fourth one comes with a free item!or: the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Series: In This House We Believe In Dageism [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767790
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	and then they never had dinner again

**Author's Note:**

> Re:how the four children came to be.  
> (By the way, Jay asked to be a shota. Don't @ me)

Married life, huh.

For whatever reason, Luka had accepted Haigi calling him 'Mother'. Within, like, five hours of the wedding. What wedding? Oh, that was right, he was married to Kakushigo, a priest. A priest! Just when he was thinking priests couldn't get married, oh, but no wait, that was Catholicism, and this was Dageism. Huh. Also, he identified as Mother but called himself a househusband, and anyone else was a monkey's uncle.

He also had a child now. A whole-ass _child_. That did make him feel just a bit guilty about going out to the casino, especially late at night, but hey...Haigi hadn't picked up any of his gambling habits.

Maybe it had something to do with how Haigi was already a functioning adult, although no one knew why the hell adults could be adopted as children. Maybe it was because Haigi somehow had even more money than him and Kakushigo combined, like damn, that guy was loaded! But, well...those were just details. Details! And details meant shit when it came to happy domestic life.

"Ah, hello, Luka!" Anon greeted, as Luka put his basket on the cashier counter. "Here to get groceries?"

"Yeah," Luka replied. Last he checked, groceries definitely included bread and eggs. Whatever that meant.

"How's life?" The cashier began to scan each item, each price flashing by briefly on the display. "Y'know, being married to the priest, adopting a child, and all that." And they'd adopted said child on the day of the wedding itself. Wild.

"Jinlin's where I rather be," Luka mumbled, picking at his fingertips absently. "I always thought these hands look better holding poker cards than cucumber slices. Meh, presentation gotta be like that, it's always..."

Anon sneaked a glance. Luka must have cooked dozens of meals for his cosy little family by now, but there was no sign of injury on those fingers. And Kakushigo had been saying nothing but good things about his spouse's cooking when he swung by...Hmm.

"Could it be," he guessed, "that you're a good cook?"

Luka shrugged. "Eh, I try my best."

"Kakushigo says your cooking is really good, you know?" Anon laughed, packing the milk and juice into one bag. "Says anything's worth it as long as he gets to come back home to your cooking."

"What! It's nothing to write home about," Luka muttered, seemingly flustered by this tidbit. "That dumbass..."

"Isn't it good that he likes it?" Anon suggested, now carefully packing two cartons of eggs. "Ah, that'll be 574600 Bodyparts. Cash or card?"

"Card. PayPass. And you know what's actually good?" Luka waved his card in front of the reader. "One hell of a good ol' time in Jinlin at the Blackjack tables with Star. I miss that guy already. Oh, and Mirai, too. Good girl, she is."

"You sure you should be saying things like that, Luka? You're a married man now."

"Fuck if I know, I literally got married, like, what...Oh, no, wait..."

Luka suddenly looked horrified.

"Mother of Dage, it's been two _months_?!" he exclaimed, checking his phone calendar. "I've been married for that long?!"

"Yep!" Anon agreed cheerfully. "Would you like a receipt?"

Luka stared back at him.

"Give me a refund on life," he said flatly.

~~

He said all that, but still, he actually was good at cooking. And he liked it.

There was something cool about the way raw produce and dead meat came together in the pot to become something that definitely did not seem raw or dead. It seemed like magic, lifting a pot lid hours later and seeing a milky white soup instead of water and pork bones and onions and...Dage knows what else he put in it, he didn't remember, but anyway, it was good shit.

"Hello, Mother~" Haigi sing-songed, waltzing into the kitchen. "What's for dinner?"

"Noodle soup."

"Yay!" Haigi hugged him affectionately. "Sounds good."

It was only a matter of assembling everything just in time for Kakushigo to come back. One pot for the noodles, scallions to garnish, chopsticks, hmm, what else was there? Bowls! The bowls. Of course. Duh. Spoons were optional, because he usually drank his noodle soup out of the bowl like it was tea, but his husband and son didn't share such habits, so they were compulsory.

"Wifey, I'm home."

\----what the fuck was it about getting married that made this damn priest sound so _hot_? God damnit.

Plus, what was with that 'Wifey'?! Not that he was complaining----it sounded cute----but still...

"Father~" Luka greeted, cuddling up to his side at once. "Welcome back!"

And what was with _him_ sounding like a lovesick fool?!?! They’d been married for...what, two months? Wasn't the honeymoon period supposed to be shorter than that...or maybe he was one of those idiots who stayed in love forever...

Oh, whatever. He still had to make sure the laundry was done, that the things were washed, because Kakushigo's 100% silk priest's scarf wasn't going to wash itself. Goddamn holy men and their fancy-ass outfits-

_DING DONG_

"Who's that?" Luka wondered, going over to the door.

When he opened the door, he found little Jaytee standing there with a large box in his hands.

"I have brought konbu as a gift for Father Kago and Mother Luka!" he chirped, holding the box up. "Here, eat seaweed."

"Ooh, my little brother's so thoughtful," Haigi said approvingly, appearing behind Luka.

"Ah, thank you, how'd you know we were going to have dinner...wait." Luka looked over his shoulder at what he had thought was his only child, then at the boy in the doorway. "Little brother?"

Haigi and Jaytee flashed identical grins at him.

"Jaytee said 'Father' and 'Mother' so I just assumed he was my little brother," Haigi explained.

"Did we gain another child?" Kakushigo asked, appearing at Luka's other side.

"What," Luka said flatly, his head empty with no thoughts.

"What?" Jingtian asked, popping up over the garden wall.

"Speaking of which," Qieyu piped up, also popping up next to Jingtian, "where's my twins~?"

"You stop that!" Jingtian snapped, bopping his husband on the head.

"Eh, I just brought gifts," Jaytee said cutely, looking up at everyone who was staring at him.

"But my wife and I still have an easier family tree~" Qieyu laughed, now running around his garden as Jingtian chased after him with a shovel.

"Look," Kakushigo began, ushering Jaytee into the house, "if you show up at a family dinner, you're getting fed."

"Yay~" Jaytee hugged Kakushigo affectionately.

And just like that, they gained another child. The Kaku-Luka household now had two children. All's well that ends well!

~~

"Oh, yeah, Mother?" Haigi began, as Luka was washing up after dinner.

"Yeah?"

"Actually...I got like, two more siblings out there. We formed something called the α Pact a while back. Me, Annie, and Aster." Haigi smiled awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "They were both at the wedding, you know? Yeah."

Luka stared.

"Say what?"

Oh, no, wait, they had FOUR children! How sweet.

~The End~

**Author's Note:**

> Wait, I just realised...If Jay's a shota, and Jay was also playing Russian roulette at the wedding...
> 
> A child was playing Russian roulette?????????  
> Oh my god.  
> Father, pass the holy water-


End file.
